April 13, 2002
Firemoss had pledged her love and life to Duskwater. What happens when the plantshaper suddenly Recognizes another?
A soft, cool breeze snaked its way up the river valley and whispered through the limbs of the towering redwoods, rustling their fragile-seeming leaves in a harmony with the subtle sounds of night. Strangely for this season of storms, Mother Moon hung overhead, half illuminated in the guise of a delicate porcelain cup that was toppling, spilling her contents into an immutable sky full of countless stars. Daughter Moon was nowhere to be found.
Normally such sights coupled with the company of the gentle, ancient giants that surrounded the plantshaper in this forest cove would have been soothing, comforting. But not on this night. Tonight, pale turquoise eyes stared at the gently moving river that flowed inches from the broken rock at her feet, but they were oblivious to nature at work. Long, slender fingers that would normally have gently caressed the blanket of moss beneath her trembled as they randomly groped the stringy plants. Every action that would normally be graceful was pained, clumsy. Full of hurt.
Now, not even Firemoss' usual comforts could soothe the ache or the yearning in her soul. Weak, she had no idea of how long she had sat in this isolated place, nor had she any idea that the slightly humid day had slowly faded into chilly night. Even Burrpelt, her constant companion, who had been patiently waiting behind her to attempt to offer a hard-won ravvit for her dinner, was obliviously ignored.
Events of - High Ones, even she couldn't remember how many days ago it was - played in her mind. Duskwater and Nettle, through painful dealings with both trolls and humans, had recently returned to the Holt, bearing one special gift - an exquisite dagger bedecked with gold and gems. That evening, admidst howls and stories and dancing, Duskwater had taken advantage of a quiet moment and had offered the plantshaper his hard-earned gift along with his heart.
And at that moment, whatever remained of the vines and brambles that past hurt and experience had caused to grow around Firemoss' heart withered away. She opened to Duskwater, her friend for years, and she pledged to be with him for the rest of her days. There was no doubt in her mind then that that night was the happiest of her life.
But now, she knew it wasn't so. Her eyes flitted up to the sliver of Mother Moon. High Ones, the night that had happened, the moon had been full, and Daughter Moon a sliver just as Mother Moon was now. Realization dawned on her and brought her back to the NOW, but only briefly. What had happened that eve would not let her wrench away…
The stories that Duskwater and Nettle had told at that howl; of the dangers they had braved for a gift - a gift for her - touched Firemoss' heart. With wet eyes, she leaned close to her new lifemate, Duskwater, so close she could see the delicate play of her breath on his soft, curly hair.
"I should thank Nettle, too," she whispered, still grasping the gift that Duskwater had offered earlier as he announced his love. "I feel as though I owe you both so much. You went to so much trouble to bring me this gift."
Duskwater smiled softly at her as he took her other hand in his and brought it to his lips. "Any pains we took were well worth it just to hear you say you would be mine. I would do it again, for you, and I've no doubts Nettle would, too."
Firemoss blushed, almost feeling intimidated. But Duskwater's gentle laugh scattered any such feelings away. High Ones, why hadn't she seen it sooner? She had been such a fool. There had been no need for Duskwater to risk his life to prove his love for her! Deep down, she had known she'd loved him all along, but was unwilling to admit it. Foolish elf, whatever would she have done if he'd lost his life getting this gift for her?
"I like to see you happy like this," he said, whisking her out of her thoughts. "I haven't seen you smile like that in a long time."
"I am happy. I don't even think sending could tell you how I feel right now."
"There's no need to send, my love. I feel the same way." He wrapped his strong arms around her and held her close.
Feeling eyes upon them, both turned to see Nettle nearby with Foxears and Lark. The barterer greeted Duskwater and Firemoss with a sly grin and a slight nod of his head, looking quite pleased.
"Go thank him," Duskwater whispered to his love, eyes alone only able to express his happiness as he returned Nettle's smile. "I will wait for you here."
Firemoss felt giddy as she rose to her feet, like she had an energy she hadn't possessed for countless turns. But she forced herself to move slowly, casually, to be the Firemoss everyone expected her to be, as she walked to Nettle's side. With polite, knowing smiles, Foxears and Lark stepped away to give the two a moment alone.
It was Nettle who spoke first, which surprised Firemoss. Normally he seemed quiet, reserved. But then again, she had never known him well. Though Duskwater and the barterer spent quite a bit of time together, Firemoss had never taken the time to say more than a passing hello when they crossed paths in the woods.
"It's good to see Duskwater so happy," he said, nodding in the direction of his friend. Firemoss smiled, blushing again, and felt suddenly shy. She looked back at her lifemate, who gave her a reassuring smile. Still, eyes fell upon leather-clad feet as she began to speak.
"Yes, it is... Nettle, I-I just wanted to thank you; for what you and Duskwater both did. I can't even begin to explain-"
"There's no need to thank me," Nettle interrupted, his smooth voice and smile drawing Firemoss' eyes to his. "Just seeing you two together and that expression on Duskwater's face-"
It was that moment when everything around them seemed to melt away until it seemed none but the two of them stood in the midst of night under the full Mother Moon. Firemoss found herself drawn into studying his face, his eyes. 'High Ones, he has beautiful eyes...'
**Nia...?** His voice, Nettle's voice, whispered thunderously into her head.
Turquoise eyes went wide with shock at the sound of her most secret self filled her mind, filled her with a yearning such as she'd never felt before. And then his name, his soul name, emerged from a swirling shroud within her. 'Dyn. He is Dyn.'
For a brief, shocked moment, she stood still, silent.
And then she panicked, she swallowed hard and stepped away from Nettle, shutting his smooth voice from her mind. She refused to even mentally voice his soul name, to admit what had happened. And as Nettle reached for her, concerned, she bolted like a startled doe in the direction of her den.
'High Ones, this can't be happening, not like this!' For years, she had longed for Recognition, for a child of her own. She had even cried herself to sleep for nights after finally giving into the thought that Recognition would never happen. Not to her. She was too old! But now - how could it happen this way? She had just pledged herself to Duskwater only to Recognize his friend! Such things had happened to others before. And surely, as had happened to the others, the news would break Duskwater's heart and drive him from her. She didn't want that to happen. She didn't want to have Recognized Nettle. If she wanted to share her inner self with anyone, it would be with Duskwater, her lifemate!
She quickly reached the dark comfort of her den, but even soothing coolness and familiar scents, surroundings, offered little comfort now. Trembling uncontrollably, Firemoss threw herself on her bedfurs in the corner, covered herself in the old cloak she still used as a blanket, and curled up tightly in the darkness there. She clenched now overflowing eyes closed, trying her best to shut Nettle's echoing soul name from her mind.
'Dyn... Oh, High Ones, no.'
Firemoss jumped when she felt a warm hand touch her shoulder and whirled around sharply, halfway expecting Nettle to be there. But it was Duskwater. His face melted into a mask of concern when he felt her shaking, when he saw her tears. Without hesitation, he pulled her close against his chest. His thick fingers smoothed her hair as he desperately tried to find out what had upset her so.
**Firemoss, what's wrong?**
She was silent and shook all the more at his attempts to comfort her.
Duskwater held her all the closer, and fearfully pleaded, **Firemoss, please tell me what's wrong. It frightens me to see you like this. Please... Do you need a healer? Please, tell me something, anything! Let me help you!**
She was still shaking as she turned swollen eyes to his. Her lower lip quivered. She couldn't bring herself to send, for fear she'd admit how shaken, how terrified she felt inside. How much she needed to be with Nettle now. She didn't want to tell Duskwater. She didn't want to hurt him. But she didn't have a choice. She couldn't stand Duskwater's pleading gaze any longer.
She sucked in a ragged breath and gazed haggardly at his face, at his eyes. If only his soul name would fill her mind, too, just as Nettle's had before. But there was already another name filling her mind, her soul. And, curse it, try as she will, it wouldn't go away. It wouldn't. Her mouth opened of its own accord, and she raspily whispered, finally admitting it to even herself, "Nettle and I have Recognized."
Duskwater's face went ashen. Eyes dilated and he stared blankly in disbelief. "Nettle and you... Recognized?" he asked, his lips barely able to murmur the sound. Recognized. How long he had waited for his beloved Firemoss. Tonight, she had just professed her love, her loyalty, to him. And now her soul name belonged to another. He couldn't bear the thought.
His face twisted in agony, and Firemoss could practically feel Duskwater's heart break as his hands slumped to his side and he pushed away from her. He spoke not a word as he silently stood, turned, and left the den to walk into the darkness outside.
Firemoss reached out to him, but he didn't turn back. High Ones, there had to be a way to let him know how she felt. She needed his support, his love. **Duskwater,** she finally sent, knowing full well that anguish of her own seeped into the send, **Duskwater! Please! Come back. I love you - I need you!**
But there was silence. Only silence akin to what she'd felt years before when Ravenwing had rebuffed her when he'd left the Holt after Soulseeker. Confused, hurt, she knew she wouldn't, couldn't go through with this without Duskwater's blessing. The expression on his face haunted her.
Refusing to wipe away tears from her swollen eyes, she stepped from her den and into the bright moonlight. With a mind at war, she ventured into the forest, ignoring the small voice in her gut that told her running was the most foolish thing she could do.
For a half moon's dance she managed to hide, trying to draw comfort, wisdom, from the growing things of the forest around her. She closed her mind to the sends of her tribesmates, allowing Burrpelt near as her only companion. She haphazardly wandered far from the tribe's lands and ignored the sends of those she knew were searching for her. Recognition's urge filled her dreams until she didn't dare to sleep. It consumed her until food and drink were all but forgotten. Days and nights of hard travel, lack of sleep, and a hollow stomach had turned her already willow-like frame gaunt and thin. And the urge, the desperation, the lack of strength for her legs to carry her any further than this had led her to this secluded spot by the river.
Her mind stilled, filled again with the name of her Recognized.
'Dyn...'
'But I love Duskwater. I need him, too.'
With a frustrated cry that betrayed the stoic silence she had endured for the better part of the day, she painfully rose to her knees, only to fall heavily against the trunk of the stalwart redwood just to her side. Tears dampening sap and dust-streaked cheeks, she wrapped her slender arms as far around the massive tree as her frame would allow and opened her very soul to the giant.
"Please," she whispered to it, pouring her pain, the terrible ache inside her into her ancient companion. "Please, help me!"
An essence, a feeling of brief relief followed by communion, encircled her inner being as the tree willingly offered itself to her. Then, the familiar power within her began to flow, gently at first, outward, upward to the very tips of her fingers and into the tree itself. It was a lover's embrace that few, if any, knew how to share. Trees, plants, had been her constant companions since that day she found her soul name countless turns ago. The growing things had always offered more reliable solace than any elf could. It seemed now, it seemed right, that the growing things could offer comfort when it seemed every elf she loved or trusted had turned away.
But suddenly the gentle flow changed and grew into a raging torrent. Never before had Firemoss felt such a burst of raw power surge forth from within. The willing redwood's rough bark groaned and splintered as the very trunk rapidly changed shape, shifting, churning, taking the heartache, the Urge, the passionate energy the plantshaper offered and, in turn, molded to the depths of what she felt in her soul. And as she shaped, as she shared like never before, a tremulous cry rose from the shaper's throat. It began as a low wail and cascaded into a piercing shriek that cut sharply away only as she spent her last reserves and slid to the ground.
It was moments later, when she found the strength to open her eyes, that she saw Nettle staring down at her. Not Nettle in person, but his exact likeness shaped into the trunk of the tree that had trustingly offered its ancient comforts to her. Tree-Nettle's eyes were intent, seemingly following her every move. And in the shadows of the crescent Mother Moon, his lips pursed. He gently whispered her soul name, beckoning.
'Nia...'
Eyes widening in terror, Firemoss' breath caught in her throat. Clumsily, she raced to stand, nearly knocking Burrpelt over in the process.
"High Ones, no. I can not!" she screamed at Nettle's perfectly-made likeness, then tore deeper into the forest, heedless of branches and needles that tore at her fair skin and light, embroidered clothing.
Burrpelt had no choice but to leave his hard-caught ravvit behind for scavengers and follow after. When he came across her thin form sprawled face down on the ground nearby, he plaintively howled.
**Firemoss!**
Firemoss stirred slightly. 'A familiar voice. High Ones, am I dead?' But no sooner had she asked then the dreadful, painful yearning returned.
**Firemoss! Answer me! Purehaven, Wildstar, she's over here!**
The plantshaper felt strong arms lift her delicate frame from the ground and hold her close. But she didn't move until she felt warm tears splatter upon and trickle down her face. Slowly, she opened her eyes to gaze into Duskwater's own. His face was still twisted in anguish, just as she remembered, but his send told her it was for reasons other than before.
**Oh, my love, I am so sorry,** he locksent, pulling her ever closer. **Please forgive me for leaving you.**
He smoothed her unbound hair away from her face and brushed blood and dirt from her cheeks. **I realized I couldn't live without you. I came back to see if there was some way you could still be in my life regardless of what had happened. But you were gone… The whole tribe's been looking for you, but you wouldn't answer our sends. Nettle is sick, too. Purehaven can't do much more for him. He needs you.** Tears the elder had held back would be pent up no longer. **Oh, High Ones, I've feared for the worst. I couldn't sit still while the others made camp. I had to find you.**
It was almost too much effort to send, so at first Firemoss only tried to weakly lift her arm to touch Duskwater's soft facefur, to caress his cheek.
But then, her eyes found his, gazing at him intently. Teardrops pooled at their corners and she gently sent. **Nia. I am Nia...**
Duskwater nearly dropped her at the feeling of her mindtouch. Within it was a half moon's dance of yearning, of anguish, of Recognition's undeniable longing, of how close death really was. Of her love for him. She had given him the best gift he could have asked for. And she only asked for his acceptance, for his presence, in return.
**My beloved Nia,** he sent, cradling her and sending all the love and strength in his being, **I am Yil.** Regardless of what happened, he would be by her side, and he swore he'd never leave her again.
It was that moment the other searchers arrived, including a haggard-looking Nettle. Relief danced in the barterer's eyes, and as he and Duskwater shared a smile, Firemoss knew, deep within her soul, everything was going to be all right.
Mother Moon was full again, with Daughter Moon in glorious beauty at her side. It had been a half moon's dance since Duskwater had carried Firemoss back to the camp, since the Recognized pair had given fervently, with their last flags of strength, into the joining that Recognition required. And to Firemoss' joy, she helped make the decision that the cubling, her cubling, would have two fathers, two families.
Firemoss was taking advantage of a moment alone with Duskwater near the river. She lay with her head in his lap, gazing up though a hole in the forest canopy at the stars above as she listened to the peaceful sounds of the night around them. Duskwater ran his fingers gently through Firemoss' light red hair. She closed her eyes, enjoying his touch, his attention.
Her turquoise eyes opened and returned to the heavens, her mind full of thought. There had been a question she had wanted to ask, but during the recovery from her forest venture, she hadn't found the time or the opportunity.
**How did you manage to find me in the forest?** she finally sent, once again turning eyes upwards to him. **Did Burrpelt find you?**
Duskwater chuckled. **No. I came across a redwood tree - High Ones, at first I'd thought Nettle had followed me, but when I realized the tree had been shaped, I knew you had been nearby. I followed footprints and broken brush until I caught sight of Burrpelt. He was sitting next to you.** He put his arms around her and squeezed her tightly, as though he feared he might lose her just by reliving the memories. **Thank the High Ones we found you in time.**
'Yes, thank the High Ones,' she whispered inwardly as she snuggled against Duskwater and closed her eyes. She slid her hand to her belly as she touched the gentle spirit of the cubling - her beloved, long-awaited cubling - that was growing there. Then, breathing deeply of the night air, she reached out from within and touched the essences of the plant life around her.
'And thank you, too, my comforters.'