July 16, 2001
Snowspear finds Lonewolf barely alive in the forest. She brings him back to the holt.
Part 1
"..."
"..."
Lonewolf could vaguely hear the voice, but he couldn't make out the words.
"... ... Stupid ... ... troll brain ... ..."
Struggling to recognise the voice, Lonewolf turned off his other senses. But it was no use.
"... ... almost got yourself ... ... no right ... ... snake spit ... ... Do it myself."
Opening his eyes for what felt like the first time ever, Lonewolf saw the ground coming closer and then moving away again repeatedly. Once he started to regain a bit more consciousness, he realised that he was laying across the back of a walking wolf - but not just any wolf.
Anger and guilt battled with love in Lonewolf's mind as he drew in the scents of Roottail and Snowspear. His entire body hurt. As he tried to get down from the wolf he let out an audible groan of pain. Snowspear turned around.
"Ah, you're awake," She said in a cold tone. "Good. Then I can say it to your face."
Lonewolf's head was still spinning and his vision was not yet to be fully trusted but he knew instinctively that he didn't want to hear whatever it was that Snowspear was going to say but she said it anyway.
"You had some nerve leaving like that, giving me the blame for what happened!" Snowspear gave Lonewolf a short glimpse of a chance to plead his case but in his current state he wasn't fast enough to grab it.
"I could have expected this from one of the cubs who has just got their first bond. But you - you should know better. You should know that the wolves have their ways, just like we have ours. And besides, it's not like I ordered Roottail to kill or anything. Come to think of it, it was actually Fire Eye who started it so Roottail acted in self-defence." The words came out of her mouth in a rapid and steady flow. The anger and hurt in her voice was unmistakable.
In a feeble attempt to save himself from the fury of his lovemate, Lonewolf climbed down from Roottail. He immediately ended up in a pile on the ground.
"Running away again?" Snowspear's words hit him like a fist in the face.
**No,** Lonewolf started to get up, but fell back down. **Not running.**
"So what are you doing then?" Snowspear stood over him, hands at her hips, looking more powerful than any beast Lonewolf had ever faced. "I mean, it's not like you're in any condition to get back to the Holt on your own." Her tone was hard and bitter. The look on her face radiated held-back anger and disappointment.
Lonewolf tried to see something else in her face, in her eyes. Something else, something better, some shadow of the feelings she had for him before he left but he found nothing. The warm and loving Snowspear that he had once managed to lure out of her hiding place was gone now.
He gathered up enough strength to talk. "I never blamed you - or Roottail," Lonewolf panted. He tried to cover the worst of his wounds with his hands, but he only had two hands. "I never blamed-" His voice failed him. He felt dizzy. He looked up at Snowspear, trying to focus but failing.
**I never blamed anyone,** he sent as he disappeared into unconsciousness once again.
The next time Lonewolf woke up, he couldn't see anything. His right leg felt strangely stiff and he couldn't move his left arm, either. He could hear voices around him now but again his memory failed to recognise them all. He could make out Snowspear's voice and Silverblade's but there was one more that he could not place.
The two sisters were sitting just inside the entrance to Lonewolf's den. Snowspear looked over at her former lovemate's badly beaten body. Silverblade looked at her sister.
**How come you brought him here instead of our den?** Silverblade asked.
"I don't want him anywhere near our den," Snowspear replied, giving her younger sister an annoyed stare. "Not now. Not ever," she added.
Trying to change the subject a bit, Silverblade motioned towards the rest of the Holt and sent, **When do you plan to tell the rest of the tribe that he's back?**
"When I know for how long he'll be staying."
"From the look of him I'd say he'll be staying until Purehaven works on him," said the voice that Lonewolf could not quite place.
Silverblade looked in Lonewolf's direction and shook her head. **I wonder what it could have been that made him pick a fight with the humans.**
"Don't," replied Snowspear. "Knowing Lonewolf, I'd say he probably doesn't know it himself."
A small grunting noise escaped Lonewolf as he tried to move. The trio in his den turned towards him.
**Be still Lonewolf,** Silverblade sent. **You're in pretty bad shape. We had to secure your broken leg and your elbow was dislocated, so we secured that too.**
Lonewolf just moaned in reply as he lay back down. He moved his right hand to his throbbing forehead. Now he noticed the bandages over his eyes that prevented him from seeing.
"What about my eyes?" he asked.
"Your eyes are fine, your face was a mess," said the voice Lonewolf couldn't place.
"I'm not Purehaven, but I helped the women to patch you up as best I could."
"Don't think I don't appreciate it," Lonewolf replied.
"I didn't have much choice. The smell of your blood blocked out all other scents before you even entered the Holt."
An unknown amount of time passed and Lonewolf realised that he must have fallen asleep. As he woke up again, he remembered that Snowspear had brought him home. He tested the air to find out if she was still there. She wasn't, and neither was the male who had helped her and Silverblade to bind his wounds. The faint lingering scent after Snowspear and the male told Lonewolf that the male had been Halfkin.
Silverblade's scent still remained strong in his den. If she wasn't still there, she couldn't have left more than a few moments ago. Lonewolf decided to find out.
"Silverblade, are you there?" he asked in a low voice.
**Yes, Lonewolf. I'm here.**
Lonewolf turned his head in the direction of her sending and gave her a weak smile.
"Good to know," he said.
**I know this might not be the best of times, Lonewolf, but I have to ask you something,** Silverblade sent after a few moments of silence.
"I guess now is as good a time as any," said Lonewolf. "Ask away."
Silverblade sat silent for a moment trying to formulate the question in her mind before asking it. **Exactly what happened that day?** She finally asked.
"What day?"
**You know what day I'm talking about. The day Fire Eye died.**
As Lonewolf felt his eyes fill up with tears he was thankful for the bandages that covered them. "He died. That's what happened," he said, trying to keep his voice steady.
**That much I already know. What I meant was what happened after that? Why did you run off like you did?**
Lonewolf sighed. "I felt as if part of me had died along with Fire Eye. I just had to get away for a while." He paused, trying to figure out what to say next. "I never meant to hurt anyone, least of all Snowspear, but I just had to be alone."
Silverblade was just about to tell Lonewolf how bad her sister had taken his sudden need for solitude but Wildstar interrupted her.
"I thought I heard voices from up here," said the Chieftess as she entered the den.
For several moments Wildstar just stood there. Looking first at Lonewolf and then at Silverblade.
"I have two questions," she said when she finally spoke. "Number one; What in Highbelt's name has happened to you, Lonewolf?" She paused, but not long enough for anyone to answer. "Number two; Why wasn't I notified of your return?"
"I hardly knew about my return myself," said Lonewolf. "As for what happened to me, let's just say I did something really stupid."
Part 2
Early the following evening Wildstar found herself pacing back and forth in front of Snowspear and Silverblade.
"I don't get it," she said. "I just don't get it. How could you not tell me that you had found Lonewolf?" She stopped and looked at Snowspear. The Hunt Leader's face was cold and hard as a rock. "I know that he hurt you badly when he left, Snowspear, but to bring him back without telling anyone - and in his condition! Didn't it occur to you that he might need a healing?"
"He'll live," said Snowspear without showing any sign of emotion.
"He'll live? Is that all you have to say?" Wildstar shook her head. "He's your lovemate, for crying out loud!"
Now Snowspear's face changed, but not in a good way. An almost unbelievable anger burned in her eyes and when she spoke she did so in a loud and furious voice.
"Lonewolf is not my lovemate! A lovemate doesn't shut you out the way he did. A lovemate doesn't refuse to talk to you. A lovemate doesn't sneak off in the middle of the day like he did. You say that you know how he hurt me. How could you possibly know?"
Snowspear had kept all her disappointment and anger, all her hurt and fury and all her worries bottled up inside her for so long. Now, as she finally let it out it came as an avalanche. Once it had started, she couldn't stop it. The anger in her eyes slowly gave way for a more vulnerable expression, one of sadness and hurt.
"Do you have any idea what it feels like to be completely shut out by the one you love? Do you?" She looked at her Chieftess. Her voice was still angry, but her eyes showed nothing but sadness. "I spent countless days awake, wondering where he was, if he was all right, if he was even alive. I spent just as many nights searching for him. In the forest, in the canyons, everywhere. For several moon dances he was all I thought about. And when I finally am able to move on, to function again-"
The Chieftess looked at the Hunt Leader. "So you figured it was his turn to suffer?"
Snowspear looked down at her feet. She felt ashamed. Not just for her recent actions but also for giving in to her emotions. For letting her guard down.
"I-" she started.
Wildstar laid a hand on her shoulder. "What's done is done," she said. Looking at the two sisters in front of her, she continued. "Purehaven says that Lonewolf will be all right in a few nights. But I don't want to have another talk like this one again - ever. We are Wolfriders. We look out for one another. We don't let our tribesmates suffer just because we're angry with them." After a short pause she added. "Understood?"
Both sisters nodded.
"Good," said Wildstar and let out an audible sigh. "Enough about that. Now I would like to know exactly what happened to Lonewolf."
"So would I, Chieftess," said Snowspear. "But he still hasn't told us."
"I hardly blame him."
**No, Chieftess. It's not like that,** Silverblade filled in. **You see, he has tried to tell us, but he just doesn't make any sense. Somehow I don't think he's sure about the details himself. All he's been able to tell us so far is some incoherent mess about Land Lopers and Sky Singers. Something about rescuing a cub.**
"A cub?" Wildstar gave her a puzzled look. "But none of the cubs have been anywhere near the humans."
Later in Lonewolf's den, Lonewolf tried his best to explain the incident with the Sky Singer child that he had tried to rescue from the Land Lopers. He told the Chieftess and the rest of the elves that had gathered in his den that he couldn't quite remember at what point his rescue attempt had failed. He also told them that he wasn't sure how he finally had managed to get away from the Land Lopers in one piece.
Since he told his story using open sending, it didn't take long before a very angry, black-haired huntress entered the den. She walked right up to Lonewolf, grabbed him by the collar of his vest, pulled him to his feet and stared him straight in the eyes.
"You did what!?" She asked between grinding teeth.
Lonewolf met her gaze, looking straight back into those boiling blue-green eyes, knowing that if looks could kill, he'd be dead.
"I tried to save a cub's life, Dirk. No more, no less. Does it bother you?"
"A human cub," Dirk made no attempt to hide how disgusted she was with Lonewolf at that moment.
"Yes. A human cub. But still a cub. I hate humans just as mush as you do, Dirk but no cub deserves to be tortured like that. Not even a human one."
"No human deserves to be rescued, Lonewolf. Cub or not. They just don't."
"Enough. Agree to disagree but enough of these challenges," Wildstar barked in a level voice, stepping between her tribemates, her own eyes daring either to challenge her. Dirk turned around and left the den muttering something under her breath.
"Halfkin. You go after her, and see if you can get her to calm down. We don't want this to turn into a vendetta," Wildstar ordered. Then she turned to Lonewolf. "And you calm down too," she added.
It wasn't until she said this that Lonewolf realised both his hands were clenched into fists, so tight that the knuckles had whitened. Now he relaxed. He looked around him at the gathered elves. He saw their eyes. None of them were as upset as Dirk, but some of them looked at him as if he were totally mad. Some of them looked shocked, some almost betrayed.
"He was a cub," Lonewolf said, trying to explain. "A cub. I just couldn't stand by and do nothing."
The others just looked at him. Honeyhue tilted her head slightly, as if she tried to see him from a different angle. She remained silent but her eyes told Lonewolf that she was more surprised than upset. Lonewolf could see similar looks from a few others as well.
"The Land Lopers killed my son," he continued. "I may not have the best memory in the tribe but I will never forget Nightchild. I failed to protect my own son from the Land Lopers but for some reason I somehow got a second chance to save a young boy from them. I just had to try - any father would."
Wildstar laid a hand on his shoulder. "I think we all are trying to understand how you must have felt, Lonewolf, but to attempt to rescue a human from the humans single handily…" She shook her head. "You almost cost yourself your life and me a tribesmember and I won't have you or anyone else taking similar risks."
"I don't expect you to understand and I hope you never do because the only way to understand it is to-" The words got stuck in his throat. **The only way to understand it, is to live through it.**
"I know, Lonewolf," Wildstar said.
**I know that what I did was foolish but I did it and I'm not going to apologize for it. I did it and I paid the price.**