July 16, 2001
There is only one way for a wolf to gain a higher rank in the pack. But to challange the higher ranking wolves can be very risky.
Lonewolf was sitting in his den. He couldn't sleep. He was worried. Something bad was going to happen soon, and he knew it. He wanted to tell someone, but he couldn't.
**I feel like going for a swim, Lonewolf. Care to join me?** Snowspear's sending pulled him from his thoughts.
**Sure, I'll be right down.**
As soon as Lonewolf touched the ground, Snowspear noticed that something was not right. She could see it in his eyes. **Are you all right, my love?**
Lonewolf attempted a smile. "I'm fine," he said.
Snowspear didn't believe him. But she figured that he would tell her in his own time.
It didn't take them long to reach their favourite place. They had spent many summer evenings on the shore of this calm bend of the river. As soon as they arrived Snowspear pulled her clothes off and went into the water. Lonewolf was a bit slower, but soon joined her.
After only a short while, Lonewolf got out of the water again to rest on the shore. He laid back and closed his eyes, thinking about that which troubled him. Snowspear stayed in the water a bit longer. She knew something was bothering her lovemate, but she didn't want to press him about it.
Snowspear got out of the water, she walked over to Lonewolf. She sat down beside him and just looked at him for a while. His eyes were closed, his breathing rapid, and his face had a tormented look on it. He was asleep and something in his dream troubled him. No, scared him.
Snowspear sighed as she gently stroked a lock of hair away from his face. **Wake up, beloved. It's just a nightmare.**
Lonewolf sat upright even before he was fully awake. He looked at her with eyes filled with panic. It took him a moment to realise that he had been dreaming.
**What troubles you, my love?** Snowspear asked. Lonewolf could feel the concern in her sending, but he still couldn't tell her. "Nothing," he said.
Snowspear gave him a stern look. "Lonewolf," she said. "In all the turns of the seasons that I've known you, I've learned two things to be true. One, you only have this look on your face when you fear something bad will happen. And two, you are a lousy liar."
Lonewolf looked away. He was ashamed that he had lied to her. But how could he possibly tell her?
"Well, are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Snowspear said, hoping she didn't sound too hard.
Lonewolf looked at his lovemate. He looked her straight in the eyes. He really wanted to answer the question he saw in them, but he just couldn't do it.
Snowspear brought her hand up to his cheek and caressed it. **Please, Lonewolf,** she sent. **Don't shut me out.**
**I don't want to but I can't tell you, either.**
**Yes, you can,** Snowspear sent, embracing him. **You can tell me anything.**
**Not this. I'm sorry.**
Snowspear felt as if her heart had been torn out off her chest. To her, Lonewolf was so close, and yet so far away. **Don't you trust me?**
Lonewolf's eyes widened. He grabbed her shoulders, and locked eyes with her. **Don't you ever think like that again. Ever.** He paused, trying to put the right words to what he wanted to say. **You know I trust you. I trust you with my life, and I trust you with my heart. They are both yours. You know that, Snowspear.**
**Then why can't you tell me? Why do you shut me out?**
Lonewolf felt her sadness. But would it hurt her any less to know his troubles? Maybe. Maybe not. He hugged her tightly and whispered in her ear. "I will tell you, my love. If you really want to know. But you will not like what I say."
"I do want to know."
**I thi-**
Just as Lonewolf was about to explain to Snowspear what was bothering him, a quick series of growls reached their ears.
Snowspear glanced quickly in the direction of the growls and then turned back to Lonewolf but he was no longer there. He was running towards the origin of the growls. She immediately followed.
Lonewolf crashed through the bushes and tackled the big, black wolf with all his power. Fire Eye simply snapped at him, and went back to his challenge. Wasting no time, Lonewolf continued the assault on his wolf-friend. He threw himself at the big wolf, wrapping his arms around his neck and forcing him to the ground.
**Back off, Fire Eye!** he sent. **You can't win this one!**
Totally ignoring his elf-bond, Fire Eye got up but Lonewolf refused to let go. He used all his strength to hold his bond wolf back. Suddenly the black wolf turned around and sunk his teeth into Lonewolf's bare shoulder. Screaming in pain Lonewolf let go of Fire Eye, who immediately went back to the challenge.
By now Snowspear had reached them. At the sight of her lovemate sitting on the ground, blood running down his back, she feared the worst. **Are you all right, my love?** she sent.
Not waiting for a reply, she rushed over and knelt beside Lonewolf. He hardly even notice for presence. He got up and was just about to charge Fire Eye again, when he was abruptly stopped.
Snowspear realised what Lonewolf was up to, but not why. Determined to prevent him from getting himself killed, she grabbed hold of his hair and pulled him back.
**Are you crazy? Just what do you think you're doing? You should know better than to interfere with a wolf challenge,** she sent. Less than a heartbeat later she realised exactly what was going on, as Fire Eye charged Roottail.
There is only one word to describe the battle that followed: brutal. Claws tarred through fur, teeth ripped muscles, and blood stained the ground. Then suddenly a high toned yelp was heard through the furious growling. It was over.
Roottail had prevailed. Now he looked down at the challenger, and then he walked away.
Lonewolf freed himself from Snowspear's grip and ran to his friend's side. He gently stroked the bloodstained fur.
**Why?** Fire Eye didn't answer. His breathing was short and rapid.
"I'll send for Purehaven," Snowspear said as she squatted beside Lonewolf.
**Don't bother,** answered Lonewolf. **He won't get here in time.**
As she looked closer at Fire Eye, Snowspear realised that her lovemate was right. The wolf's throat was torn open. Even if Purehaven had arrived a moment ago, he would have been too late. Fire Eye was dying, and not even all the healing magic in the world could save him.
Lonewolf looked up at Snowspear with tear-filled eyes. **Could we have a moment alone?** Snowspear nodded her head and backed away.
Lonewolf held his bond wolf close and rocked him gently, like a mother who rocks her cub to sleep.
**...**
**...**
The last sendings between bond wolf and bond elf contained no words, no pictures, just emotions.
Lonewolf couldn't hold back the tears any longer. As Fire Eye drew his last breath, Lonewolf's first tear fell on his fur. For what seamed like ages Lonewolf just sat there, holding Fire Eye's lifeless body, crying.
Snowspear didn't go far. She just backed away far enough to give Lonewolf some privacy. Now she walked up to him again. She laid her arm over his shoulders, careful not to touch his wound.
Lonewolf stopped sobbing the moment he felt Snowspear's hand on his shoulder.
**Leave me alone,** he sent.
**It's over, beloved.**
**Leave me alone.**
**Don't do this, Lonewolf. Don't shut me out.** She looked at him. He refused to meet her gaze. **Is this what you were afraid of?**
Lonewolf didn't answer. Snowspear tried to give him a hug, but he pushed her away. **LEAVE ME ALONE!** He ran away, in the direction of the river. After a moment's hesitation Snowspear followed.
Her mind was struggling to figure out what could be going through her lovemate's head, and she hardly noticed the couple on the ground until she tripped over them.
"Hey! Where's the fire?" asked Rock.
"No fire," said Snowspear as she got up. "Sorry about the interruption." Then she was gone.
Rock shook his head, and then he looked at Dreamberry. "First Lonewolf and then Snowspear," he said. "I wonder where they were going in such a hurry."
"Does it matter?" asked Dreamberry.
"Maybe not."
As the day turned into night, Snowspear returned to the Holt. She had used all her tracking skills. But the small lead Lonewolf had made for himself had been enough for him to disappear. She walked into the Holt with her head down. The first elf she met was Dreamberry.
The howl keeper saw the gloomy look on the Hunt Leader's face. "I take it your day didn't turn out as you had hoped, Snowspear," she said. "What happened? Did he get away?"
Snowspear gave Dreamberry a look. She didn't know whether to make it a sad look or an angry look, so she just gave her a look.
"Let me rephrase that," Dreamberry started.
"Don't bother."
"What's happened?"
"He's gone."
A few moments later Snowspear sat facing Dreamberry and Wildstar in their den. She told them what had happened. When she got to the part where she had lost Lonewolf's tracks, she stopped.
"That's it," she said. "I don't have a clue as to where he might be."
"Lonewolf has left the Holt before and always returned," said Wildstar after a while. "He can take care of himself."
"He probably just needs some time to deal with this on his own," Dreamberry added.
"Never like this," Snowspear said. "He's never left in anger before. I have never felt such anger from him before, as I did today, unless there were humans involved. And to top it off he's wounded. I don't think it's all that bad, but still."
"He'll be fine, Snowspear. What could possibly happen?" Dreamberry asked. "After all, we're talking about Lonewolf, one of very few elves who has ever fought a snowcat with his bare hands and lived to tell about it."
"That's what scares me. I'm afraid he'll do something stupid, and that his luck won't bail him out."
It was decided that a small search party would leave the Holt to try to find Lonewolf. It took them over one hand of days, but they did find him. As he accompanied them back to the holt, they all noticed that he was well on his way to becoming that same old secluded Lonewolf he had been before he lovemated with Snowspear.
Snowspear watched Lonewolf closely over the following dance of moons. He had indeed gone back to his old self. He spoke to no one, not even to her. She knew that things would never be the same between them again and it was breaking her heart.