April 7, 2002
Dapple has a dream that she has had before - what will it mean?
Part 1
Her toes softly touched the streaming water when she sat down near the river. She enjoyed the water that ran with a gentle touch over her feet. The light shone down, and she smiled. Although she was a Wolfrider and had the night in her blood, she loved the daystar. She didn't care what others thought. She only knew that she had to be here, at this particular time, at this particular moment, and she didn't want it to be otherwise. She leaned back on her elbows and with a satisfactory sigh she closed her eyes for a moment. Her fingers played with the leaves, the grass and the little flowers that were wildly growing among them.
Her eyes fluttered for a moment, and then she opened them. All of a sudden, the light seemed to be different. She didn't know why, but it was brighter than it had been before. She smiled slyly and wondered how that came so suddenly. A few light beams reached the ground through the thick cluster of leaves that protected her from being burned. She looked at the way the river sought its way through the forest. Its waves were small and were all running to be the first to arrive at their ending point. The large redwoods and the smaller capnut trees seemed to look on disapproving, and she knew that if they had been elves, they would now be shaking their heads at the waves running the way they did.
The light was changing again; the green became more prominent this time. The giant trees were fading. No, she corrected herself; they weren't fading. It seemed that her eyes couldn't focus again, and she restlessly looked around her. A quick movement at her right side alarmed her, but she couldn't move. She felt no fear but was more interested in what would come. In fact, she already knew what was coming. Or, better said, who was coming. She reached out her hand to the newcomer. The dark brown eyes were twinkling with joy, and the young elf maiden pushed her dark brown hair back.
**I will not stay long,** she gently sent, **For he is coming. For you. He wants you, my friend.**
It didn't surprise her, but it slightly saddened her that she couldn't stay longer. She wished that she could have remained, she thought, but perhaps another time. And she knew there would be another time.
Silverwolf had vanished with the quickness that she had appeared. Longing for her next visitor, she smiled. She had been expecting him for a very long time. And now, finally, she would be here with him. Finally.
The soft bed of grass where she lay changed colour to deep red. Wild flowers, she saw instantly. She picked one up and put it in her wild hair. She smiled when she stood up again, and she picked some little pieces of dust from the short and long wrap-around she had pulled on for this occasion. With a sigh of happiness, she waited for her next visitor. He could be here any-
Ah! There he was! The little amber flecks in her golden eyes began to shine brighter than they ever had done before. She stretched her arms to him. She wanted to feel him close to her. He moved nearer, backlit by light beams that were coming towards her. She only saw his silhouette. It seemed that the beams were getting brighter and brighter, but she didn't notice it. Her mind was fixed on the thought that he would reach her within moments. For an instant she looked at his face; she wanted to meet his eyes, but the daystar was too strong. Her eyes began to tear, and everything became vague. She almost couldn't see that he had reached her, but he had. He touched her shoulder with tenderness.
With a shock, Dapple woke and immediately sat straight up. She blinked a couple of times, and realized that she had dreamed again. This was the second time that the same night vision had come to her in one turn of the moons. Uneasy, she took a few deep breaths. She lay down again. Her heart beat a couple of times faster than it normally did, but she didn't notice that until she pushed one of her furs against her chest. Slowly, she got dressed and decided to put the wrap-around that she had worn in her dream as far away as she could. The daystar stood low in the sky, and she went out to catch the last light beams.
She stayed around for some time, and waited for the others to wake up. She shivered slightly now as her body cooled down, and she sighed deeply. She wasn't sure, but she had the slight feeling that she wasn't the only one who knew that she longed for someone to fall in love with. Maybe her dream was just a folly, but what if it wanted to tell her something different? Her dreams had taken her away before, when she searched for her soul name…
Abruptly, she shook her head. She wouldn't think of it again. The possibility to love would come when it was her time. She put the dream out of her mind and hummed a little song that she and Tendril used to sing. She decided to visit her soul sister and her lovemate, and did not think of the strange dream anymore.
Part 2
Dapple's next dream in which she feels what she truly always has been feeling.
Impatience. It was a feeling that she had not known in this dream world. All the times that she had been here, she had been patient, smiling; she waited until he came. She longed to see her dearest friend Silverwolf too, who died too young. In fact, she wished she were back alive. That she would go back with her to the real world. But that was not the only thing that the brown haired elf worried about.
The wild flowers weren't red anymore. They had a soft yellow colour this time, different from every other time that she had been here. The leaves were rustled by the soft breeze that was playing with them and so were the colourful wrap-arounds of the elf maiden. The soft clothes were blown softly to her body, and it was a welcome refreshment since the daystar had warmed her. But that was not important right now.
**Friend,** the soft send sounded worried. And so was the gaze in the soulful brown eyes. Every other time, she had seen Silverwolf approaching but now she suddenly stood right beside her, laying a hand on her shoulder. **Don't give in to your current feelings,** she sent, **For you might not want to know what you will see.**
What did Silverwolf mean by that? A little confused she took a step backwards. Silverwolf faded away slowly, and she suddenly felt the urge to reach for her, to hold her in her arms, to keep her. But when she finally worked up her courage to the point to stretch her arm out, the brown-eyed elf maiden had disappeared wholly, except for her expressive eyes. **Be careful, Faya,** were the last words.
She blinked. What?
For a moment she stood perplexed. Silverwolf, the maiden that she once rescued from her soul search, had used her soul name! But how? It was impossible that she could have known her inner self before. And when she died -
No, she would not think of it. There were other things that needed her attention. Like the point that she now thought of, the fact that so many things were the same but at the same time were completely different. The colour of the flowers, the appearance of her dearest friend… The light got brighter, and she knew that she would face the elf who no one else had ever known but her. With a slight frown, despite of all the things she could not place, she faced her visitor - and again she knew surprise.
All the other times she had seen his body, but it had seemed that his face had reflected the light; she couldn't see him clearly. But now - his fine cheekbones, his narrow, light-brown eyes that twinkled brightly, his thin lips were curled in a vague smile - he was all how she remembered him to be before he disappeared. She refused to speak of his death; he was here, and he would always be here, for her.
Her surprised smile must have made him laugh, because little crowfeet appeared around his eyes, and his smile widened. She felt the urge to be with him, to feel his arms around her, just to feel him. She took one step forward. And then another one.
But it seemed that he was taking steps back, too. With many questions in her amber eyes she looked at him. He didn't speak. He never did. But she didn't understand! Why did he act the way he did right now?
She had always thought that he was feeling the same as her, but obviously she had been mistaken. The disappointment she felt struck her heart, and she wanted to turn away from him, but a sudden light stopped her from doing that. With wet eyes she saw how his face faded. "No," she whispered, but that was all she could say. She again took a few steps, faster this time, but it was no use. A tear ran down her cheek, but she quickly rubbed it away. But through the mist of tears she saw that Nightwalker had not disappeared, but instead had slightly changed. The shape of his eyes grew rounder, the colour changed to light grey, his hair was shorter and the colour formed to deep black with a silvery shine.
Her eyes went wide; probably the widest they had ever been. But although she could not believe it, her heart made a small leap in her chest, and it knew that it had been him all along…
"No!" The scream had filled the den and a small area around it before it faded to shallow breathing. Dapple gasped when she pushed her hands to her chest, and realized that her face was wet with tears. Her heart beat like the human fire drums while she tried to remember her dream and she tried hard to discover whether it was true or not. She tried to focus her mind on the tender, clear face of Nightwalker. Her dear friend. No one had known him except for her. She took a deep breath.
What she had been thinking deep in her heart had happened. She couldn't recover the detailed face of the elf that she had once rescued, but another one appeared in her head. She closed her eyes and tried to think of something else, but it was no use. The large grey eyes remained. And they followed her thoughts. The tracker. The young seer. Mystic.
Tendril. Her poor friend! What would she say of it? The relationship between Tendril and Mystic was very intense. She knew that, and she based her thoughts on the little things she had seen. The smallest gesture of one of them made the other one smile. That was love. And Dapple would not think of interfering in it.
But that was not the question at this particular moment. She had to discover her real feelings before she would express them to either one of them. And it didn't mean anything that she had seen Mystic, did it? The little voice in the back of her head said that it did. But she ignored it the best she could.
Mystic had once brought her a little flower, and she had been flattered by the gesture. She knew that the black-haired male had had a crush on her in his early years, but his final choice had been Tendril after all. And she had felt happy for them; they were both very good friends of hers. She really enjoyed seeing them so happy with each other. The smiles and tender touches they exchanged, the slight meetings of their eyes…
For the first time since Tendril and Mystic were together Dapple felt a stitch of jealousy. And that made her afraid. She gasped. Silverwolf had been right. She feared what she had seen. Oh, if she only had been more patient! She really regretted the things she saw - but eventually she admitted it; she was sure that those feelings had been there all along.
With a tear rolling down her cheek she got dressed. She wanted to get out; she wanted to walk around. Enjoying the little things of nature that always seemed to cheer her up. She wanted to forget about everything. And so she did.
The daystar stood low in the sky; the evening was falling. She didn't see any other elves yet. She stared at the beams of light that were falling between the leaves that rustled - just as they had been rustling in her dreams. She closed her eyes and held them closed for a while, and again a tear escaped from her. She felt terrible; the feelings she now had towards her soulsister…she found them horrible. The jealousy was gaining territory, and she feared that she would be blaming Tendril soon. And that wasn't fair; she saw that more clearly than she had ever seen it before.
These dreams, these terrible dreams! She remembered well how these dreams had scared her once before. She once felt the urge to leave Rushwater Holt because of the fact that something had called her. Those dreams had been just as awful as this one!
She needed to wash these terrible feelings off her; she couldn't live with it in this way. The river came to her mind. Wash the feeling off you. You'll feel better afterwards. She did not know who spoke to her. Maybe it was the echo of her own thoughts. Maybe it was somebody else in her head. In any case, she focused on the river, and that was all that she wanted. She simply could not live with herself now. She would feel better.
When she first saw the river, she stood still for a while, bringing her fingers to her lips. She watched the daystar beams that broke the deep blue mass of water, and she could see the bottom of it a few times. Some fish came darting by, and for a moment, she smiled a little. Only for an instant, she forgot the problems she had to deal with and enjoyed the sight of the fish that swam below and jumped above the water. The birds sang, and when she looked better, she saw a few birds sitting in a tree that hung over the water. The branches almost touched the surface.
Her eyes followed the branches of the old tree, and further to the ground. The red wild flowers seemed to be happy; they softly moved in the wind. She did not dare to sit down. She enjoyed the view and sighed deeply, wishing that it could be like this forever. She would never leave this place if the moment would only freeze.
But suddenly, a shadow darkened her surroundings. With a screech, a hunting bird soared down, grabbed one of the fish, and slowly left with its prey. Dapple's golden eyes stared at the disappearing speck in the sky. She had been brought back to reality.
Wash.
She quickly undressed and hesitated for one last moment. Then she took her clothes with her; she would wash them too. A little shiver ran over her back when her toes touched the fresh water, but she did not pay any attention to it.
Wash.
The word hammered through her mind. She would wash herself, and then she would try to forget - maybe avoid - her best friends for a while. Maybe she would go away from Rushwater Holt. It did not matter that they wouldn't know why she left; she would deal with her problem.
But she immediately rejected that idea. No. That meant that she would be running away from her problems. And it would not be the first time. She would deal with them; face them. Only the High Ones would know if she made the right choice.
Her thoughts continued, and suddenly, Dapple felt exhausted by everything that she was thinking about. She swam back to the riverbank and sat down, playing with the water and washing her clothes. She would be all right. Someday.